On messing up philosophy, intentional discomfort, and counting the paper factory as a practice.

I might have messed up being a Stoic. As a Stoic, I might accidentally do some practices that Stoics might do that make me a Stoic. I do try to make it a practice to write every day, think about how short life is, and have empathy, gratitude, and generosity. Next, I should be taking quiet walks to think, not forming opinions about everything instantly, getting out of bed early, and lastly practicing intentional discomfort. I count showing up to work at the big paper factory as the discomfort part. Marcus Aurelius ran the Roman Empire and still found time to write in his journal every morning. I run a pottery junkyard and can barely stay awake past the closing sections. He had a war on two fronts. I have a wood kiln on no fronts because I keep taking the arch down and rebuilding it. I think Marcus would understand.

The quiet walks are the part I’m worst at. I don’t walk quietly. I walk and think about fourteen things at once, then come home and start three of them, finish none, and fall down a rabbit hole about rocket stove airflow. That is not what the Stoics had in mind. They meant something closer to walking and being present. I walk and am everywhere except present.  Not forming opinions instantly is another one I struggle with. I have opinions about brick thickness, mortar consistency, sand grain size, which gas station has the cheapest fuel, how radishes should grow, and whether the person who put those lug nuts on that truck from Ohio should be allowed near a torque wrench again. Those opinions formed in about four seconds each. Epictetus would be disappointed. Marcus would write something calm and wise about it. I would argue with both of them and then realize three days later they were right.

Getting out of bed early is fine when I’m not coming off the night shift. When I am coming off the night shift, getting out of bed at all is the Stoic practice, and anything after that is extra credit. Some mornings the intentional discomfort is just standing up. The truth is I came to the Stoics by accident. I didn’t sit down and decide to study philosophy. I read Pressfield and he mentioned Resistance. Then I read about Resistance and someone mentioned Marcus Aurelius. Then I read Marcus and he mentioned Epictetus. Then I read Epictetus and he told me to stop reading and go do something. So I went out and stacked bricks, which is probably what all of them would have wanted in the first place. I may not be a very good Stoic. But I write every day, I think about how short life is at the end of every post, and I show up to the paper factory four nights a week, which is more intentional discomfort than most philosophy students will ever practice. If Marcus Aurelius had to work a twelve-hour night shift running production, I think he would have written shorter meditations.

If I were living yesterday a second time: I would have taken the quiet walk and actually been quiet for once.

Things I am grateful for: The big paper factory for providing more intentional discomfort than any philosophy course could.

If I get to live to be 86, I might only have: 12,627 days left.

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